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love letter [Mar. 23rd, 2008|11:43 am]
dear boy,

i know you said you like me but really i dont think you even know me. so i say you should quit while you're ahead. trust me. i can be nice now. funny even. maybe someone you can be proud of. or someone you adore. But i'm a total wreck. i get over attached. i love with all my heart which might make me clingy and possessive. i say a lot of things i don't mean. like i won't be jealous when you text other girls even if i know i will be. or that it's ok that you play basketball or computer games or go drinking with your friends instead of hanging out and talking to me. you'll just have to get used to me saying something i don't really mean. i'm sorry it's confusing. but you see it'll take a while for me to choose you over the rest. and when i do choose you it's because i know you'll be different from everyone else. and so i expect you to be a lot of things and more. like a bestfriend i can talk to about anything and everything. someone who will be there to accompany me through every big and little event of my life. or someone who won't get me in trouble so will bring me home on time. and someone who'll surprise me with the sweetest things even if i say i hate surprises. if you must know, i love surprises. i'd appreciate it a lot if you made me feel special. see, i'm not anything great so you'll have to make me believe i am. i need you for that. anyway, i'll try my best to look good for you but try to be on time. and when we fight make me win when i'm right. i know you know a lot of things... but you don't know it all. so just lower your pride and give me a hug. i'll forgive and forget eventually. and when i'm wrong but can't seem to listen to your side... wait for me to think it through... i'll come into my senses too. and even if we won't get married yet i want you to be part of my family if you wanna be part of my life. because they mean a lot to me and that should mean a lot to you. oh don't be scared to be the only guy in dinner with my friends. because even if you might be so awkward, it will mean a lot to me. i won't really ask you to do everything but i may ask you to do crazy stupid things. like watch a chick-flick with me or go shopping the whole day. and you know, because i'll love you so much, i'd want you in every event of my life! big or small! i just want your hand to hold there or a hug. or someone to take my pictures and someone i can celebrate with. and you'll mean so damn much to me that i'll need your opinion about my hair or my clothes. i know you notice them... even if you say they're all the same. don't worry i will remember every comment or compliment you give me. and always try to change for the better. but don't force me to. don't force me to do anything. i don't like being told what to do. and don't raise your voice at me when we start to fight. that will just make me cry. yes, i may act all tough and strong and one of the boys but i cry a lot especially when i can't take it anymore. and there will be a lot of times when i'd have enough. i'll be so stressed out so i'll need your help to lighten up my load. remember if at times i may be really demanding and moody that it's just all the stress i'm going through. but don't get scared i'll be back to normal and happy to just be with you after a while. and if you do something nice for me.. count that i'll make it up to you. i can be really nice, you know. someday you will see. that i can be sweet and thoughtful too. and i'll back you up all the time. and defend you to my family and friends. so please don't break my heart. cuz it took so long for me to love you back. it'll take longer for it to mend. i'll be miserable without you. i'll cry myself to sleep at night, i'll even lose some weight. and just not want to wake up anymore... i know you woudn't want to do that to me... so before you do anything else, before you say anything else... don't say i didn't warn you.

love, girl